Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin? ──
Trainspotting, 1996 人生充滿選項,至少我的人生充滿太多選項。芭蕾舞者已經是太久以前的夢了,但是它像是月球一樣時大時小的牽引著我人生的潮汐,高高低低。
前陣子面試了兩個領域的工作,傳播和財經相關,我不想要一直瘋狂面試,所以最後取了新聞業跟會計師事務所兩個工作來釘孤支,最後還是選擇了事務人生。在選項裡面還有選擇的過程中存在著兩個極端的價值取向,說起來有點細瑣,還在釐清。
接下來要在一零一大樓裡面工作,持續旋轉,天天加班,缺點是憎恨夜景,優點是跨年的時候可以直接被炸到(?!)
但總算是決定了。決定了之後有一種慢慢要沉澱下來的感覺,前幾年過著天天翻轉的雪克人生,還好自我中心並沒有分崩離析,否則就變成雪特人生了。新的紀元要開啟了,小小的星球逐漸凝聚,偶爾幻想自己可以成為一個恆星,能夠發亮也能夠燃燒。宇宙的事情我仍然不了解,或者最後還是成為一個衛星,中年以後還有行星環般的游泳圈,總算是要逐漸凝固。